Why I almost didn’t have kids and why I'm glad I did
If you're unsure about wanting children and how to make that decision, this episode is for you. As a driven and creative woman, I was frightened by the idea of motherhood. I wondered if it meant losing my sense of self. Or postponing my goals until my children were grown. I worried about how society, and even my husband, would perceive me. In this episode, I'll share what almost made me reject the idea of having children, how I eventually realized I wanted them, and the most surprising parts of motherhood.
My hope is after listening you’ll recognize that your journey is meant to be yours. No two lives are the same and you can make it your own. You don’t need to be a parent like anyone else. You can decide how you want to parent, work, and live. People can share their stories with you but your experience will never be like theirs. That’s a great thing.
Why I almost didn’t have kids
No surprise here: society makes families seem horrible. The loudest voices are often kidless adults who think kids are nuisances. Or parents who like to complain about lack of sleep or not showering. Commercials show bumbling parents trying to make it through the week. The list goes on and on. Here are others:
All videos, memes, and stereotypes online are about how tired, underappreciated, and soul-sucking motherhood is
Most thought leaders I follow vowed to not have kids
Society isn’t built to support families. Children need to be quiet, “behaved”, and aren’t allow to be any kind of inconvenience to anyone. We don’t give them the space to learn and grow into the humans we wish most people were. We talk about wanting to make the world a better place but don’t let kids learn, grow, and practice in a safe environment. They’re not welcomed or seen.
You’re irrelevant if you become a parent. Society forgets you and doesn’t see you as valuable or attractive anymore. And society does back this up. They shame parents, breastfeeding, and make it near impossible for people to get childcare. Not to mention the sneers and eye rolls if a baby enters a plane or restaurant.
Your dreams die. I saw many moms growing up who said the reason they didn’t chase their dreams was because of their kids.
What made me decide to have kids
After feeling overwhelmed by reasons to not have kids I had a serious talk with myself. These next three points changed everything for me.
Would I regret it? Yes.
The spiritual experience. Finally, I saw other women doing motherhood the way I would want to. Not losing myself. Still developing and growing. Then someone who came on the podcast said it would be the greatest spiritual experience of my life. That sealed the deal for me.
It felt right. Even after questioning societal expectations. Even after imagining everything I would “lose” it felt right
Things that surprised me about motherhood
I feel more empowered and clear about who I am and what I want. Before I feared I’d lose sight of my goals and dreams. They actually became more clear. I saw what I don’t need to do and what was more important to me
I value my time more and am more picky about what I spend it on. Before I’d be scared to say no or commit. Not anymore
How resilient and strong I am. I thought I’d die when I was induced. Between the team care, family and friends cheering em, and medication I couldn’t believe how much better it was than my mind made it up to be
My empathy has grown 10x
My dreams have gotten bigger
I’m more confident and sure of who I am. I’m less afraid of being clear and speaking up. Of being seen
Spiritually I have grown a lot
The amount of love my body is capable of feeling. I didn’t feel an immediate love and connection when she was born. She was her own person, a stranger, I didn’t know yet. But as time went on and we connected I understood love on a level I never did before. Love truly has no limits. I was scared a baby would limit how much I could love my husband. Instead it unlocked these walls I never knew I had
Extra Resources
Comment if you want me to share the few parenting books I read and enjoyed.
Affirmation
I open myself up to new perspectives and listen to myself instead of the voices around me
Writing Prompt
What do I feel about being or becoming a parent? Are those beliefs true?
