The Science of (True) Happiness with Emily vanSonnenberg
We’re joined this week by positive psychology multi-hyphenate Emily vanSonnenberg, MAPP (Master of Applied Positive Psychology). She is a university psychology course creator and lecturer, psychological and behavioral healer, creativity consultant, and yoga instructor. Emily discusses her journey to working in positive psychology, five life changing questions, the difference between happiness and true happiness, and the power of perception.
Who is Emily vanSonnenberg?
Emily vanSonnenberg M.A.P.P. (Master of Applied Positive Psychology) is a university psychology course creator and lecturer, psychological and behavioral healer, and creativity consultant. In 2009, she created and began teaching UCLA’s first Positive Psychology course entitled, Happiness, and she currently teaches the course to students and the general population for UCLA extension.
In her private practice as a healer and intuitive, Emily specializes in helping highly sensitive, empathic and creative people. Her approach integrates scientific research with an acknowledgement of the benefits of embracing the human capacity for intuition as a source of invaluable information that can guide decision-making, actions, and elevate consciousness for self-actualization.
This championing of the whole self has seen Emily practice yoga for over 20 years, attaining two yoga certifications and teaching since 2005. Emily loves helping people to recognize their true nature, free themselves, and activate their potential to create a meaningful, fun and rich life.
The Pursuit of Happiness
“Most every action a human takes is in an effort to be happy. Even if that action is inaction, it’s in an effort to be happy… that is the seed that exists in all of us.”
How did Emily begin her own pursuit of happiness? It all began when she was in college in Boston and was passionate about becoming a baseball commentator on the radio. After a year and some intense introspection about what her career could look like in 10-15 years (especially if she received an assignment at an underperforming team), Emily decided to leave school and forgo her initial goal of becoming a commentator.
She then spent time pursuing a number of careers she found interesting, really searching for the answers to these questions: “What is going to be fulfilling for me? What’s going to make me happy? What makes me excited?.” During this time, she was involved in a bad car accident, resulting in herself and others being injured.
Emily was incapacitated and couldn’t walk for a number of months, an experience she calls “so life-changing” and forced her to reassess and decide how to move forward with these 5 Life-Changing Questions:
What are you naturally good at?
What are you naturally bad at?
What do you love doing?
What do you hate doing?
What experience leaves you feeling completely fulfilled?
After answering those questions, Emily was confident she wanted to go back to school to be a psychologist or a healer, since she felt her greatest strength and thing she loved most was being a good friend.
“When you [go in with curiosity, asking questions], you take the pressure off. If we can take pressure off ourselves (if we put a lot of pressure on ourselves, that is), that can only help us be more creative, feel more positive emotions, and really align with our truth.”
Happiness vs. True Happiness
“Happiness is fleeting, according to the science.” Emily explains, how you rate your happiness at any given time is relative to how you felt before.
“Therefore, [happiness] is a waste of time to chase, in my opinion. There are other ways to feel happiness, which is basically a high in the brain and in the body, and there are other ways to go about that that are super productive, like exercise. If you’re chasing the fleeting, you’re going to be chasing your whole life. Pursuit of what you love, pursuit of what you love, pursuit of what you enjoy, what captivates you, what you’re curious about, that’s different. True happiness is that which doesn’t change. Your true essence.”
One of the challenges with the science of happiness is it can be really culturally-specific or time-specific. Emily recommends stripping away the pressure associated with your culture, time, environment and experiences to identify your true essence. Start this process within your family – every family has a culture, dynamics, expectations, pressures. No one family is right or wrong, simply different. Same goes with regional and national culture.
First recognize which pressures come from outside the self, versus which thoughts and feelings come from within the self. Simply be mindful and aware to better understand the self.
“It’s pretty challenging to make yourself fulfilled unless you know yourself really well. Like you know yourself like the back of your hand, how you’re going to respond in a to z situations: ‘I know my likes, my dislikes, I’m not afraid of my shadow self, I’ll go anywhere within my psyche.’ Which, I think you gotta do if you’re going to truly fulfill yourself.
And don’t be afraid of the dark, because that’s where some of the fun is, too… once you stop judging it and let it be free.”
In short: Happiness is fleeting and changes. True happiness does not change. And take the time to truly understand yourself.
Perception Creates Reality
“Your perception really shapes the reality you think you live in. If you’re happy one day, or you like so-and-so one day and not the next, you’re just changing your reality based on your mood, or emotions, or the moment.”
The Happiness Pie Chart from researchers at UC Riverside shows:
“when it comes to happiness, 50% of the variance is due to genetics, 10% is due to circumstance. So stop saying money is going to make everybody happy. And 40% is due to intentional behavior. And the exciting part about that, thanks to neuroplasticity, meaning the brain can be rewired through various activities such as meditation, mindfulness, your parents condition you to think a certain way, society conditions you to think a certain way. Go to another society or culture for a month or year and see how your happiness changes – how your mind changes.”
If you’re going to try adding in meditation, gratitude, yoga, or some other practice to help increase your happiness or deepen your connection with yourself, Emily encourages us to ensure we do so in a way that really suits our lifestyle, in a way that will be sustainable for ourselves.
Emily stays connected to herself through a meditation routine, spends time in nature (she sits and gazes up at the sky every evening), and in the morning, she closes her eyes, and asks herself: “how can I love you more?” and listens for whatever answer comes through. (If you try this practice, don’t judge it. Simply accept the response and follow-through.) Those practices allow her to check in with herself everyday to see what she needs to be more in tune with her true essence.
Emily’s closing advice: “Be kind with yourself. Be gentle.”
Currently Reading
Energy and How to Get It by Nick Paumgarten in The New Yorker
Daily Rituals by Mason Currey
Affirmation
I am happiness. Happiness is my favorite way to travel through life.
Writing Prompt
What makes my life rich? Meaningful? Inspiring? How do I live my life (or not) in accordance with my values?
Resources
Visit Emily vanSonnenberg’s website: http://www.emilyvansonnenberg.com/
Reach out to Emily via email: evs(at)emilyv.org
Read: Authentic Happiness by Dr. Martin Seligman, creator of the field of Positive Psychology
